I have t blog this . I feel v.uneasy , vv.uneasy .

A post for you , Mr .

I'm sick . V.sick . I've got a fever . My throat hurts . Really hurts . I can barely talk . I cried . Cried th whole day . &i think i'll cry in th middle of th night too . My eyebags are heavy , v.heavy . Was i really wrong ? Am i too much ? Am i really heartless ? Did i really treat him like 'that' ? Was i really stoopid ? Did i've gone too far ? Did i ever considered his feelings ? Yes/No/Idk . We had a fight . No , a quarrel . I cant hep but t read th messages over&over again . Idk why , i'll cry whenever i read it , regardless of th content . I cant help it . I cant stop th tears . I cant . Yes , called me a weakling , cry baby&whatever you want . I'm v.guilty , v.guilty . I've really made a grave mistake this time . I cant believe i did such thing , really . I'll breakdown th moment he went with his "dont worry about me ! Get t know him better ! Who knows , maybe he'll like you too ! " *Cry* &th most heartaching is when he said "U told me t give up , U really want me t give up .Than so be it "

She dont have t consider me .. She wont be confused .. . If you're depressed than what am i ? Save you th misery ? Show you some respect ? Been treated like a dust&an invinsible one too ? So you mean , all this while i did not respect you at all ? Means , you were in pain/misery all this while when you're with me ? You could have tell me , really . I'll be more confused ! Urgh , i really feel like (insertanythinghere) you ! Yarh , blame me for everything , your misery , your pain&stuffs . I was merely saying that "i think i'm falling in love" &you really went t believe it ? I told you i'm just sec one = small kid = naive = couldnt think like adult . I dont even know if i really love him . But yknow what , continue having a thought like that , spare you from th misery kan ? Its all my fault from th start . Giving you false hope&stuffs kan ? Curse me , scold me , hate me , if it makes you feel better . I had swore t myself i wouldn't cry for guys anymore , but because of you i broke this chain/swore , whatever . I dont want t cry , i really dont . Why must you do this t me . Or you think , you should be th one asking that qn ? I had actually bought your present&now i hesitate on whether t give you or th vise versa . I hate this . I hate my life . Things always dont go th way i wanted it t be . I dont know who t love or maybe i shouldnt love anyone ? Yes , i shouldnt love anyone . You made me choose this path . Are you happy now ? I was stoopid t give up a guy like you . Maybe shahidah is right after all . Sha where are you ? I really need you now , im sorry . I need you . *Cry* You're one in a million , every girls dream guy . Was a big mistake t fall in love with me from th start . You deserve a better girl kan ? I'm not worthy , yeah . I'm so fickle minded . Gosh . Hope you find your dream girl&led a happy life&feel that you're th happiest guy on earth . Ohh crap , i'm in no position t wish you luhh kan . Hate me . I'm sorry Mr .

&besides that i cried because i read my brother's blog about him quitting smoking&that he repented&stuffs . I cant help t cry cause its so unbelievable&touching&whatever . &peculiar that i'll cry because of him . Heh .

Am i proud t have a brother like that ? (sometimes , heh)

I don't have th mood t do anything except t blog .

I'm feeling v.upset .

I feel like i'm dying any moment of time .

Th countless cry is worsening my fever .

I hate this .

I want t die , i mean it .